Have you ever told someone “be honest” but what you really meant was “tell me what I want to hear…”?
I like to call this selfish confirmation. Your insecurities are so deep that you look to other people to confirm the very thing that you are so unsure about, but what happens when they don’t? Be honest...If you’re anything like me, then you more than likely have the nerve to get mad! OOOOP! I know, I'm getting in your business! They say we should tell the truth to shame the devil, soooooo...
Not only would I get mad, but I would then question the decision I made in spite of the honesty I swore I was asking for; then I’d spend the next few weeks at a complete standstill, eventually putting a pause on whatever it was I needed confirmation on in the first place. What a tragic cycle to be in. What an even more tragic cycle to stay in!
As I think back on these moments, there are three undeniable truths that stand out to me:
I lacked prayer.
I lacked vision.
I lacked faith.
In God’s Plan Part 1, I talked about the first time I was noticeably moved by the spirit of God. I wish I could say that it came after fasting and praying, but it didn’t. Remember, I didn’t have much of a relationship with Him back then and what I often wondered about was probably what most of us have wondered at some point or another in our lives: Why would God bless those who don’t acknowledge Him? What I now know is that His love will always surpass my understanding. Sometimes God shows up and shows out for the undeserving just to prove He is THAT good!
I mean, that sounds good, right? But what happens when you disagree with God? What happens when His message makes no sense??
This Pandemic has been one big roller coaster. As I have stayed heavy in prayer, there were still days that I woke up nervous about what the future would look like for me. Would I eventually get COVID? Would I survive it? Would I lose my job?
Then I got furloughed. It was a part time furlough, and it only lasted 2 months but it was enough for me to start paying more attention to my Linkedin inbox and reply to recruiter messages. One message in particular caught my eye and as I scheduled the first interview, I did something I’ve never done before.
I prayed for God’s vision.
If there’s anything I learned from the miracles God has performed in my life, it’s that I no longer wanted to move without Him. So I prayed for clarity. I would do this two to three times a day leading up to my first interview. It was looking like I had the official “go” from Him as I made it past the next 6 (YES, SIX) interviews. Because of COVID, the company had put a freeze on hiring so these six interviews were over the course of a very long 5 months. I never stopped praying during those months, and I remember telling God straight up “If this job does not align with Your ultimate plan for me, take it away. I don’t want it.” I kept reminding God, but mostly reminding myself especially after talks of a salary + bonus plan that almost made me stop praying and start counting the potential extra zeros in my bank account (remember that selfish confirmation).
I was feeling like Superwoman after my 6th and final interview. The Zoom session couldn’t have gone any better. We laughed and even discussed me visiting the California office the next time I went to see my Dad. I typed up my resignation letter and started to tell my friends about my soon to be new job.
About a week later I got an invitation to another Zoom call with the same group that I had last spoken with. “Oh, this HAS to be the call with my offer!” As I turned on my camera ready to hear the great news, God hit me with the famous words of our newly elected Madam Vice President, Kamala Harris,
"I'm speaking."
W-H-A-T??? Surely, they did not schedule a Zoom to tell me they decided to go with someone internally. Surely after all my prayers to God, He wouldn’t put me through 5 months of interviews only for me to get turned down! Surely, this wasn’t God boldly saying to me again “I’M SPEAKING!”
Well, it was Him. If the words “gracefully broken” had a face, it would have been mine in that moment. But then something I wasn’t expecting happened. The anger I thought I would feel wasn’t there. The disappointment I thought I would feel wasn’t there. The lack of understanding I thought I would have wasn’t there. God had indeed spoken, and I received it without question. I remember the peace I felt in knowing that God was with me and had denied me something because He had me in mind. This time, He had actually listened to me, and more importantly, I knew that He had something else for me!
Which brings me to this...What’s yours is already yours, so try not to sweat the time in between!
A few weeks passed by, and I received a text message from a college friend whom I hadn’t talked to in over a year.
The old me would have been so annoyed with my previous experience that I would have passed on interviewing with anyone else for at least a few months. Funny how things change when you’re on God’s plan. I didn’t hesitate.
One week later, I had a job offer from an incredible startup business. I had the opportunity to interview with the CEO who confirmed everything that I had asked God for so many months ago.
Y'all! God left me completely shook! At this point, I’m not sure why I’m even surprised, but I am. The lessons just keep getting better. I know it’s hard, and I pray that you boldly walk through your anxiousness of what’s next, that you find peace in knowing that He is always faithful and He is always able.
Sometimes God will lead you in a foggy place. But when it’s foggy, that’s when the sheep know His voice.
AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN!!!
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